Kevin 1, Cancer Devil 0

Yeeehawwww, love that can of whup ass! Opened one on my nemesis a while back and it seems to still be doing the trick.

Got my much anticipated Petscan results back and its "hip hip hooray" all around. No sign of the devil to be found, which is a big sigh of relief. The last scan left some doubt whether progress was really occurring, but this time the results were quite comforting.

So, next month will be 6 months since treatment ended. For head & neck cancer, need to be cancer free for 2 years to feel comfortable that its gone, so almost 25% of the way home.

Kind of surreal when I think back through the journey. Seems like so long ago that I was going through my treatment, longing for the day to come when I was finished, but trying not to think about it since it seemed forever away. I have to think about it, but I remember most days moved along so slowly. Actually, I don't really want to remember those days, so moving on....

I know it hasn't even been 6 months yet, but thanks to all your prayers, and God's blessings, I have been blessed with such great progress. Not completely there yet, but almost nothing I can't do again so the journey has been truly amazing..... and happy. And blessed. I think about the support I received from so many, in so many ways...... I will never forget the kindness, so much of it, so freely and sincerely offered. While, of course, I would rather have avoided the ride all together, in a way, I am thankful for getting the opportunity to go through an experience that allowed me to see just how lucky I was to have family and friends who care so much. Very, very special. And, lucky that the story has a happy ending!!!

And the lesson for all...... Everyone should keep a can of Whup Ass around just in case, its pretty cool stuff. :)

Have a great week everyone!! We all have much to be thankful for.....

random musings a long way from home....

Greetings. Sorry, been away a while....but doing well.

Sitting in an airport in Singapore, waiting to come home. Have been in Kuala Lumpur for the past week on business. Good trip. Very friendly people. Great food I think...but not for me....not yet. Too spicy too soon. Interesting because I recently spent time in Taipei and Singapore and had no trouble eating. This time though it was hard to find anything that wasn't at least a little spicy, and most too spicy. Counting on that simply being a case of a culture with a palate trending more to the spicy side of the menu than there being anything wrong with my recovery.

I am scheduled for another petscan this coming week. Supposed to be Monday, but I have been recovering from a cold so it may get delayed a few days. But really looking forward to this one as it should be clean this time. It better be. The alternative isn't so good, but I am not really allowing any other thoughts other than it will be just fine. Still cant seem to gain weight, in fact, still losing some. Was down to 171 recently, that's a long ways from 210. Feel good though, so maybe this is just where I should be. And once I can eat freely, I'm sure it will go back up. Not too much I hope. :)

Interesting being in Kuala Lumpur. Very friendly people. First time I have spent a lot of time in such a Muslim influenced area. Different culture, different dress, different rules for interacting with one another. But like anywhere, same desire to be happy. And although there may be different rules for behavior and language obstacles, the universal smile and nod of the head still works the same way. Its amazing how such a simple gesture can be so disarming. Young and old, works the same way.

Traveling on foot, my boss and I stumbled onto a random Catholic Church. It was a Friday afternoon, but Mass was just beginning. We didn't plan it, but found ourselves right on time to join in, so we did. Coincidence?......doubt it. Part was said in English, and part in the local language. Same mass though, so felt at home, even though we were the only two foreigners in attendance. Again, the smile and the nod was all we needed to be welcomed warmly. Plus, after all, it was church, so likely didn't even need the nod or the smile.....

Life really can be simple. Treat people with kindness, and a smile is somewhere to be found close by. Doesn't really matter what the surface differences might be, everyone, everywhere, responds to kindness. And a smile. And a nod of the head.

I enjoy getting to experience different cultures, different people around the world. Glad to be going home though. I love being an American. Proud to be one. Lucky and blessed to be one.

Ok, getting the boarding call, got to run. Have a great week. Prayers for a clean petscan would be appreciated.

Talk again soon. (said with a smile and a nod)

There but for the grace of God.......

Getting better everyday! I am making it through my week here in Taipei, Taiwan....first business trip since I have been back at work. Very happy to report, its business as usual. Well, except that I don't pig out at the awesome breakfast buffet each morning like I normally would since most of the food is still a bit difficult to eat. But that's a blessing in itself and actually lets my daily session in the gym contribute to progress and not just make up for my gluttony. :)

As is the case in so many parts of the world, it isn't safe to drink tap water here. I was thinking how lucky we Americans are to be one of the few places where we can safely drink from our faucets. For most in America, this is such a given that I don't think many even think about how blessed we are. We take it for granted...but it would be an unthinkable luxury for most around the world. (and most in the world still don't appreciate saliva like they should...but that's another story...).

And anyone watching TV or listening to any news program lately can't help but see the devastation resulting from the earthquake in Haiti. The tremendous death rates, homeless victims, newly orphaned....... but did you realize that we recently had a similar sized earthquake in Northern California and while there was damage and even some lost their lives, the numbers paled in comparison. Why? Well, mainly because we have such a superior infrastructure and construction methods and life safety measures to rely on.

Ok, but why are any one of us here versus being one of the many living (or dying) in Haiti? Or living in a land where its not safe to drink the tap water. Or protest the government. Or be a women and want equal treatment as a man..... how often do we really contemplate that it is only because God decided that this would be the hand we were dealt. We didn't earn it. We could have just as easily been "created" in a third world country and have no access to the endless blessings of our country. We don't deserve to be here any more than any of the people in Haiti....we are just very lucky that we are. Very blessed that we have it so easy. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty because we are blessed... but we certainly shouldn't feel entitled because it is truly just a gift that we are here. And we should be thankful for this gift each and every day.

ok, ok......there is one advantage to not being able to drink the tap water.....i have to drink more Guinness while I am here. Guinness in Taipei.......actually not a bad combination. :)

Have a great week everyone. And be thankful for the hand we have been dealt. No matter what the hand, it could easily be a lot worse and is for so many people. We are blessed.

Life Goes on.....

So sorry for the extended silence. I returned to work a few weeks ago and life has been pretty hectic.

I did have a follow up PET scan last week. This is the test I have been waiting for as it would truly indicate if the treatment was successful and my only focus would be on recovery. The results weren't as good as I would have hoped, but they still weren't bad. Could have been a lot worse actually. Basically, there are indications that something is still going on. It might just be residual inflammation from the treatment. It might be a few other things besides cancer. But it also could still be cancer. I have another PET scan in 2 months. If the "noise" they see is due to one of the various non-cancer causes, that next scan should be clear. My radiation Doc is very optimistic. My chemo doc is more cautious. I'm going with the radiation doc.

Its been great being back at work. I really enjoy what I do anyway, and just being in a normal environment is a constant reminder that things are getting better. So normal in fact that I am leaving on a business trip to Taiwan next week. Amazing how not all that long ago my goal was simply to try not to vomit.....or move if I didn't have to..... so blessed.

Looking back over the second half of 2009, and my treatment experience, which I do from time to time, I can't help but just feel so darn lucky with how it played out. I go back every month for a check up, something I will do for at least the next year and maybe two, and when I am there I am surrounded by folks at various points of their treatment journey. So many of them have been at it for several months and their light remains at the end of a very distant tunnel. Heck, my treatment and time spent away from work was only three and a half months in total! Yes, there were some very dark days during those months, but it was so short compared to so many others' experiences. And other than very limited saliva production which makes eating a bit more of a chore than I would prefer, I am relatively back to normal. Much lighter than before, but that isn't a bad thing. :) I'm in the gym and riding my bike and on my way to regain my beach body.... ok, that's a joke..... but I am getting there!!

You know, as simple as it sounds, I really believe we can always find a silver lining someplace. Nothing is ever as bad as we might think it is. And there is always a lesson to be learned, even if we have to look a while to find it. Happy or sad, optimistic or pessimistic, stressed or relaxed...it really all is simply a state of mind. And the state of mind we choose really is a personal choice. I think I chose happy, optimistic and relaxed..... at least until my next PET scan. Kidding, I have no fear.

Hope the start of your 2010 is going very well. This is going to be a great year. Its all in how you choose to think about it. :)

Talk soon.....

Working man.....again.

Big day tomorrow. Encouraging sign that progress is positive. I go back to work....

I was thinking today just how long ago it seems that I had to stop working to focus on my treatment and then my recovery. Counting the days, it really isn't even 4 months. Seems like so much longer. Not that I want to sit around and live again the various stages of my journey.... no, the darkest days are best kept slightly out of focus.... I know their memories are there, tucked away should I ever need them (I won't), but deep enough not to be part of my daily consciousness. They weren't very pretty.... my nemeses (ok, and savior) daily radiation and punk chemo, vomiting which was so regular that it just seemed part of my day and stopped being surprising, not sleeping, living through the feeding tube, and the nausea.... no, not pretty. And while going through the darkness, time seemed to stand still.

But helping me through it all were my family and friends. And my faith. Once again God proved never to give me more than I could handle. He also never gave me more than my family and friends could handle by my side. I don't want to even think about what the experience would have been like had I not had such support. Such a blessing.

Getting back to work is huge. I met with my radiation doc a couple days ago and he is very happy with the progress and very optimistic. The PET scan is mid January and that will determine whether surgery is needed, but he thinks it will not be. The tumor in my mouth appears gone now based on the last MRI and both cancerous lymph nodes in my neck seem cancer free at this point. Again, the PET scan will be the true determiner of the state of recovery, but optimism runs high. And working again is just one more sign that the worst is far behind me.

I learned a lot of lessons during this process. Still learning actually. One lesson that easily comes to mind is just how powerful kindness can be. Something we are all capable of sharing, so easily given away to others, always in abundance, and the impact on the receiver so tremendous. Often just a quick text message or a brief email from someone letting me know they were thinking of me and wishing me well was so significant in helping me keep a positive outlook. How often do we think about doing or saying something kind for or to someone, but it doesn't get any further than a thought. It would have been so easy to follow through, but whether we are too busy or shy or unsure whether it will really matter (it always does), the benefit to that other person is lost. I really think kindness is underrated. A simple gesture, a kind word, can turn a persons entire day around positively. And the domino effect is contagious. Just do it. Worth the effort?

Ok, got to get ready for work tomorrow. A little piece of normal back into an otherwise very abnormal 2009......ahhhh, I like normal.

Have a great week. Now go be kind to someone. :)

gettin thru it.......

Been a little quiet lately. Recovery is progressing, although a bit slower than I would like, at least it continues in the right direction. Finding a few more foods here and there that I can eat. Definitely a big improvement from not all that long ago.

December 14 is back to work day. Seems like such a long time ago, and at the same time, not all that long ago that I stopped working to take on this challenge. Quite the journey, and although it has been one that given the choice I would have skipped, it has really turned out to be a blessing in many ways. I discovered I had friends that I didn't know I had, and friends that were much better friends than I considered before this ordeal. A loving, supportive family that really stepped up when needed, such a cherished discovery.

And believe it or not, I think I have grown to actually like Ensure! It remains a part of my daily intake, but more by choice than necessity now. Go figure.....

As might be expected, throughout this journey I have met, or been told about, many going through similar challenges. So often I hear about someone having a treatment time frame so much longer than mine. While mine was very intense while it lasted, probably the most aggressive treatment protocol offered, it did only last a few months. Not uncommon for others are time frames many months long, and at times over a year. I can't imagine going thru that for so long. I am blessed once again.

Christmas is coming. Such a happy, joyful time for most of us, as it should be. Especially this year though, with the economic climate what it is, this will be a challenging time for many as well. If you ever thought about cleaning out your closets or storage areas and getting rid of items that you just never use, now would be a good time. That extra coat could sure be a lifesaver to someone. There are so many options to help distribute those extra items...Salvation Army, Goodwill, local Churches..... we just need to take the first step. I am great at finding ways to procrastinate...I know I need to act, and really want to... but before I know it, the time has past. If I'm going to help others this Christmas, now is the time to get moving. Maybe you have some excess that could help others too? :)

Have a great week! Thanks again for all your support. I pray this Christmas season is special to all of you...and let's help make it the best ever to someone less fortunate.

God bless you.

Happy, wonderful, awesome Thanksgiving.....

Got my results from the MRI test I had yesterday. Very positve, encouraging results. Of course the PET scan in January will be the definitive test, and the ongoing monthly monitoring tests will be important to ensure the course has not changed, but this MRI test is the first significant opportunity to see who was winning this battle...... and the smart money is on me!!

Cutting through all the medical-ese, the general assessment is that at this point there is no need for any further treatment, everything looks "good", and essentially seems the cancer has high-tailed out of here. Good thing too because I was about to open another can of...well, you know... :)

In all seriousness, thanks to all for the prayer and support throughout this ordeal. I really think the corner has been turned. I am getting stronger everyday and my appetite is certainly challenging my body to keep up. I am starting to taste a little more and there seems daily to be more and more I can try to eat. God truly is blessing my recovery and I am very confident now that we are on the right path, a healing path.

Have a wonderful, thankful Thanksgiving. No matter what challenges we find in our path, not only could it easily be so much worse, but we also have countless reasons to feel blessed and thankful for the hand we have been dealt. We really are so lucky. And those challenges....somehow, we will get through them all. May not be in the way we imagined, or preferred, and the outcome may look very different than we hoped or imagined......but in the end, it still always works out. This life is a blessing, but still only temporary. Nothing is too great to handle when we trust God has our back....and we count on our friends and family as well.

Thank you all from the bottom of my healthy heart.