Happy, wonderful, awesome Thanksgiving.....

Got my results from the MRI test I had yesterday. Very positve, encouraging results. Of course the PET scan in January will be the definitive test, and the ongoing monthly monitoring tests will be important to ensure the course has not changed, but this MRI test is the first significant opportunity to see who was winning this battle...... and the smart money is on me!!

Cutting through all the medical-ese, the general assessment is that at this point there is no need for any further treatment, everything looks "good", and essentially seems the cancer has high-tailed out of here. Good thing too because I was about to open another can of...well, you know... :)

In all seriousness, thanks to all for the prayer and support throughout this ordeal. I really think the corner has been turned. I am getting stronger everyday and my appetite is certainly challenging my body to keep up. I am starting to taste a little more and there seems daily to be more and more I can try to eat. God truly is blessing my recovery and I am very confident now that we are on the right path, a healing path.

Have a wonderful, thankful Thanksgiving. No matter what challenges we find in our path, not only could it easily be so much worse, but we also have countless reasons to feel blessed and thankful for the hand we have been dealt. We really are so lucky. And those challenges....somehow, we will get through them all. May not be in the way we imagined, or preferred, and the outcome may look very different than we hoped or imagined......but in the end, it still always works out. This life is a blessing, but still only temporary. Nothing is too great to handle when we trust God has our back....and we count on our friends and family as well.

Thank you all from the bottom of my healthy heart.

Leaving my comfort zone.......

A bit of another milestone today. Dinner at Mickey D's. Up to today, my meals were almost exclusively still Ensure. I have managed to get eggs down and occasionally, some link sausage. Oh, and of course, soup. Cup of noodles and Ramen this week, which really is glorified soup, just without the nutrition. I have wanted to try the long awaited, much savored, burger at McDonald's, but I realized today that part of the reason I haven't tried it yet was out of fear. Sure, until recently, it was because I just couldn't do it physically. But the last day or two I think I probably could at least try, but for some reason I kept gravitating back to my comfort zone of Ensure. It was just safer and there was always tomorrow....

So, once I realized that part of my reluctance was just being afraid to try, afraid to venture into the unsafe, discomfort zone, I decided to try. And, happy to report that I could eat a quarter pounder (no bun and I did share a little bit with tommy, my dog), some fries, and the fish in their fish sandwich. Swallowing heavily supported with constant swigs of ice tea, but got it down all the same. Not as comfortable as Ensure, but it was nice to get just that much closer to normal life.

In between bites, I did think about other areas that I let fear of leaving my comfort zone dictate my actions....and how at times they can actually be to the detriment of others. How often I have been stopped at a red light and noticed a card board sign toting fellow human being experiencing hard times and in need of a little help. Even a few bucks could make the difference of him (or her) getting something to eat. Did I have the money to give? Of course I could spare a buck or two. But I found it much more comfortable to come up with any number of reasons (excuses) for why my window never went down and the money never left my pocket. The light will be turning before I get it to him (it never turns that quickly), he looks too well dressed to really need the money (there is a minimum dress code now for needing help?), he looks too grungy he must be mental (isn't that the perfect candidate for help?), I don't have the right change (ok, so he gets a five instead...). I realize none of these are valid "reasons", I'm just not comfortable with the process. But why not? And ultimately he loses out on the help I could surely give...... help he really needs in most cases. Thank God, literally, that others have helped me when they haven't been totally comfortable with the act. Driving me to treatment I'm sure wasn't always convenient or comfortable, but I sure needed the help. Sitting by my side, watching me vomit endlessly... yeah, that's a lot of fun to sit thru.......

And, like anything else, leaving my comfort zone is only difficult until I do it a few times. I remember growing up, and learning to ride a bike, or a jet ski, or a motorcycle....and later in life, skydiving, scuba diving or learning to fly a plane..... all of these actions were very uncomfortable at first. But with repetition and practice, they became second nature. Wouldn't the best comfort zone to get comfortable stepping outside of be the one that allowed me to help others more easily? And since its just practice in doing so that would cure the uneasiness, of course I need to try. I bet I'm not the only one who has wanted to help someone at some point, but found it easier to come up with "reasons" why it would have to wait until next time....

Thanksgiving sounds like the perfect season to start......... And with as much as I have to be thankful for this year, I'm sure I have enough to share....

Have a great week. Give thanks for all the blessings you enjoy. And push yourself to step outside and share when you can...... it will get easier, and that can only be a good thing.

Dog Days of Recovery......

Recovery is progressing. Sleeping a little better finally. Throat not quite as sore as it was. Trying a few more foods....but soup and, of course Ensure, still are clear leaders. As recovery drags along, and the memory of the painful times grow more distant, I wonder if I possibly take some of the lessons learned for granted.... I sure hope not.

I also wonder if that's not what might happen throughout life. I've learned lessons, and they are influential, but then after time it takes a significant event to remind me of what I learned earlier. Sometimes its good to simply be reminded. But other times it might be too late. Clearly it would be worthwhile to try and remind myself often of the lessons I found compelling throughout my life, long before it might be too late.

My recovery is slower than I would like. But it isn't hard to remember days not long ago that I could barely dream of even being where I am now. It is all relative. But I have to make it relative good. And realize just how blessed it really is. Certainly always be thankful for all of it. Everyday. Because it could always be worse.....

Have a blessed and thankful day. Remember your own life lessons. And be kind to someone.

Miles and Miles of Milestones.......

Encouraging day today.

Met with my Doc for a check up and one of my least favorite exams, the throat scope. It does allow him to see down my throat and the back of the tongue, which I learned today will occur every month for the next year, so it is helpful to monitor the progress and continued recovery. But picture a fiber optic tube, sized bigger than a juice box straw and slightly smaller than a pencil...and having it inserted up through the nose and run all the way down the throat. Lovely.

Anyway, the outcome was very positive. Hit one milestone today, and a few others are coming shortly. Today the Doc determined that the throat looked clean and there was no longer any visible sign of the tumor. He palpated my neck and said he no longer could feel any sign of the cancerous lymph nodes. Awesome news. Sure, the scan will tell the real story, but this was a great start.

The next milestone will be tomorrow when I get the feeding tube out! I was expecting more resistance from the Doc when I said I didn't need it anymore (I don't, haven't used it in a week.), but he said fine, schedule the appointment. Hope I didn't bump him too hard as I raced past him to the scheduling desk. Heck, who am I fooling....this wimpy 177 pound frame would lose a tug-o-war with a soft breeze.

In about 2 weeks, November 24th, I will have an MRI scan. I am hopeful this will also be a milestone and that the results will be as positive as today's. Power of prayer and positive thinking.......and any help greatly appreciated. :)

So, today is a day to say Thank God. I mean that literally....thank you God. Blessings by the mile.

Progress.....Irish style

Well, would you look at that....Guinness, Lamb stew, soda bread.......I thought that guy was supposed to be sick?!

Ok, well, the truth is that I really only could get down a few bites of the stew, and mostly the carrots at that. The soda bread, a little dry to begin with anyway, didn't have a chance. And salad?! That's for girls.... But I did get half the Guinness down (yes, I know, penalty to pay for leaving half a Guinness....) and it even tasted a little like Guinness. So I guess this is progress. I realize I have a long way to go yet, but just to be able to consume anything other than Ensure is a step in the right direction, no matter how little. And not through the tube at that!! Now I need to focus on putting a little of that lost 33 pounds back on and get rid of that look of death I seem to carry around now.....no, its not my Halloween costume.

Went on a hike today. Had visions of taking on some hills, but ended up staying flat and not going as far as I wanted. But it was a hike, and that's progress too. I have to admit, there was a moment when I was tired, that I let a few thoughts creep in like "when is this ever going to be over"...."why did this have to happen to me"......."how different my life is because of this and I'm so tired of this"....... but thankfully it was just for a moment. Thankfully I remembered that it could be so much worse. For one, it could be something permanent. Mine will be over one day, and one day sooner than later now, so that is such a blessing. I will get my stamina back, and my strength. But what about those that suffer a permanent change? I am still self-sufficient, but what about those that suffer a change than not only is permanent, but renders them dependant on others just to get through the day? I can't imagine. I don't want to imagine. I am just thankful that my life lesson has a time frame less than the rest of my life and in the grand scheme of things, is relatively short. Not my life, the lesson. But life is short too, so focusing on whats really important takes on a whole new meaning when we realize just how fragile and uncertain our lives here on earth really are. I can get through this, certainly with the help of y'all's support, and it will run its course. Such a blessing. And an education.

I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm glad to go through this. But I can honestly say that the lessons I have learned will at least make it a meaningful experience.....and one I will certainly remember forever. I will also remember forever the love and support from all of you. Such a blessing, thank you so much.

Mind getting ahead of the body.....

Getting better by the day. Just not as fast as I would like....or as fast as my mind thinks I am most of the time. I wouldn't say I have cravings for any particular food (ok, except Elephant & Castle wings in Dublin....), just a growing desire to eat normal food. I am very lucky so far....the chocolate Ensure tastes mostly like chocolate. And the Vanilla tastes like Vanilla (unfortunately??). Still get the metallic taste periodically, but nowhere near as often as before. Not sure why, but I just haven't had the confidence to progress past chicken noodle soup yet. Maybe soon.

In my mind, I am recovering pretty quickly. But then, out of somewhere I don't want to become too familiar with, I will get hit with nausea again. Or some ache or queasy feeling that seems distantly familiar. I know its just part of still being on the road to recovery as opposed to the end, and its still quite early according to the doctor's timeline, but have you ever noticed how many food commercials there are on TV?! One of those realizations that doesn't really hit until you can't eat. :)

Get my dog back this weekend. He will be 14 months old on Wednesday. Should make recovery take on a entirely new twist......

Life is wonderful....be thankful for all we have....now go out and be kind to someone. ;)

at any speed...its still progress...positively

Still moving in the right direction. Not as fast as I would like, but I think that is more about me just being tired with this whole ordeal and not that I'm behind the schedule envisioned by my doctors. I have been able to maintain at least one ensure a day by mouth, and yesterday, even had an entire can of soup orally. Today two ensures plus all my meds by mouth. Getting there.....

I realized earlier today just how much a positive attitude can influence my actual health. Early on, when this battle first ensued, I was very positive. I thought I maintained that positive attitude throughout but came to realize that I might have fallen a little short of that goal. Its been quite the experience so its understandable why that might happen, and the pain and struggle were all very real....but I came to realize today that some of it might just be in my head now.

So, I decided to take the positive attitude back and make it part of my game plan. Rather than walk a bit bent over with my head tilted down because that had been the posture of choice to deal with the throat pain, I decided to stand tall, walk with a purpose, and actually tell myself that I was feeling good. Guess what.....I felt better. Rather than sit still and be in touch with every feeling, good or bad, in my being, I decided to get up and move and just assume I would feel good. Guess what...I felt better. And even though its not pain free yet, I decided that I really needed to try and consume more orally and use my tube less. So today, not only two ensures by mouth so far, but also all my meds and I'm getting ready to try soup #2. It will be fine because I think it will be fine.

We all hear about the power of positive thinking. And it sounds good. But making the decision to actually put it in practice, might seem easier said than done. But its not, you just have to will it to occur. How often do we tell ourselves we feel tired? Or we don't feel very well? Or we really don't want to go to school or work today? Or we really would rather not help that person or go to that event......there are so many times when we create a negative aura simply because we think that way. I know I was, and you might be too, very surprised at just how much positive impact a positive attitude can have on almost any situation.

Anyway, I already feel further along on my recovery pace simply because I think I am. Maybe there is something that is weighing you down a bit that could be lightened simply by telling yourself its not so heavy. Worth a try possibly?

OK, time for soup. And maybe a turkey leg......ok, maybe a bit too positive too soon. :)

Have a great, positive week.