Before anyone misinterprets the "why me" as anything remotely resembling its energy sucking cousin "woe is me", I want to clarify..... This "why me" is asking why have I been so blessed. I am surrounded by so many who genuinely care about me and my journey.....and not just out of curiosity, but truly want to join along side in this challenge. Why am I so lucky???
Admittedly, I don't really like relying on anyone for help. Its not that I don't appreciate it, I most certainly do, but I have always just felt more comfortable handling things myself. Don't want to be a burden to anyone. People have their own lives and their own families and certainly don't need my added weight..... but ...... sometimes........ its just too much.
At first that is probably what I feared, getting to that point where I needed help. Short-lived was any ego fueled regret though, and since, it really has been the ever present warm embrace of true caring. I find myself either on the verge of tears, or actually succumbing to them almost anytime I talk about "how things are going"....and I know some might think the emotiuon is based on fear for what lies ahead. So not the case though. In fact, I don't really think alot about the journey ahead too much. No, the emotion that so easily bubbles to the surface is one of appreciation and simply being humbled by my good fortune to be surrounded by so many loving, caring friends and family.....and even those I haven't met yet.
27 radiation treatments and two more chemo sessions to go... and along the way..... no shortage of life-giving, loving bonds that will be forged that I will never be able to repay. Maybe that's the point though, you don't repay, you pass them on....
I am so lucky.
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Still got you in prayer..... and in thought......
ReplyDeleteKevin, Eat boy eat, so you can Fight boy fight. And yes, pray (negotiate)- you are good at that!!
ReplyDeletePaul from Sac
Kev - you are so right...there are so many that want to offer their support and love to you during this trial. You're also right, in the past you haven't been good at accepting help -- but it's wonderful seeing you graciously accept it now. WE LOVE YOU. YOUR FRIENDS LOVE YOU. AND WE ALL WANT TO MAKE THIS FIGHT AS EASY ON YOU AS WE CAN...SO CONTINUE TO LET US ALL HELP!
ReplyDeleteThe more you eat the better your body can fight and mend after the treatment ends. SO EAT, EAT, EAT...force yourself, please!!
Rest, rest, rest! Your drivers & helpers will understand if you're quiet...they'll be SHOCKED, but they'll understand. (what, c'mon, I've been married to Pat for 17 years, of course his sense of humor rubbed off on me!)
PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. We should ALL do more of this EVERY DAY OF OUR LIVES. This wake-up-call of yours, is a reminder to us all...PRAY CONSTANTLY! MOM & DAD SURE DID & LOOK HOW TRULY PEACEFUL THEY BOTH WERE. I admire their faith & devotion to the rosary & hope to be even half as good as they were. Don't forget, too, they are your own personal "intercessesors" -- so call on them ANYTIME!
We love you so very much!
Lizzy K, Mama K
No Kevin...we are lucky to have you as our dear friend. It isn't a matter of ever repaying, but accepting. Remember that there is a great strength/power in numbers, as in prayer. Me and the boys have a special place for you in our prayers at night. Stay strong...love ya.
ReplyDeleteWhen was it…..like 10 years ago? The greatest comeback in the history of co-ed softball! It was a pressurized Sunnyvale recreation playoff semifinal. I think we were down by something like 5 runs with TWO outs and NOBODY on base in our last at bat. Our team was mostly filled with players who were there just for “fun” and not really seasoned veterans of the game. It was a “Christian” team. We sought fellowship not dominance. You know, we had “good spirit”. Your decision as our insightful team captain to have our team shirts be of the Hawaiian design was sheer genius. It fit us just like your mouth fits around a large turkey Togo’s sub.
ReplyDeleteWe really had no business being in a playoff game. OK, let’s be honest, some of the women on the team (bless their hearts) had not gotten a hit or on base the whole year. They were “lovely” softball teammates. Let’s face it, we had other team liabilities like me at short, Tim at third and I think Bill was in the outfield. Even with your laser accurate pitching (cough), the chips were down. I can’t remember exactly, but I think our opponents were even laughing at some of our errors when long fly balls would drop to the ground for doubles. Hmm, we all got quiet after some of those errors. We seemed to go inside….we focused on the matters at hand. Our opponents did have some arrogance didn’t they, being the top seed in the playoffs. There it is. If you had looked at it on paper, we had no chance to win this game.
I forget who started it off. I was coaching third and something changed in the atmosphere. You could have missed it if you were sitting there in the stands chewing a wad of bazzoka or shelling sunflower seeds. One of our female studs came up and hit a line drive for the first time….that game….that season….in her life? Straight over third base for a single. The rest is a bit of a blur. We hit the ball with reckless abandon…both males and females alike. Line drives. Cheap shots. Bloopers. Deep drives. Dribblers down the line. All happening with two outs in our last at bat against the best team in the league. The ball seemed to have eyes looking our way as it found gaps and cracks. Jumping up and down like a lotto winner along the third base line yelling instructions and encouragements to all within earshot, I watched 9 of our teammates consecutively get on base and 7 of them round third and head safely for home. It was storybook. Come on, the odds of that were sky high.
Yah, we won that game as well as the next for the championship. It was just a game. It was our own little sports miracle. I still get chills thinking about it. That’s just one memory I have about our friendship and how amazing things can happen when you…Kevin… and your friends and family hang-out together.
So, let’s put on some Hawaiian shirts, fill out the line-up card and get the team back together.
Your brother, Shave
Your "Why me?" question is easy to answer. It's because you have been there for others when you didn't have to be. Why did you spend so much energy on turning my pointy headed political views around? You know now how extremely successful you were. At my cobbled together Vegas wedding, you were the guy throwing the party for Nanc and me. Since I moved to Seattle, I know the distance between us is only in miles, not in the measure of our friendship. We have always known we can depend on you to be there for us. It's our turn to be there for you. You are in my prayers everyday. Keep up your strength, keep up your faith, keep up your humor and your optimism. Oh, wait a minute, those are the four things I would use to describe you if you weren't fighting this cancer. That's just you. The cancer doesn't stand a chance.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest part of any challenge is to admit when we need help and allowing other to help. I think you're doing a fine job of allowing that help through. You'll be better off for it. Just by sharing what's going on, you're relieving stress which helps you deep down where the battle rages. Being there for my little sister and my mom, letting them say the things they needed to say, whatever it was, good or bad, helped them survive.
ReplyDeleteIn prayer, breathe in God's goodness and love, purity and purpose....breathe out all those toxic thoughts, ideas and worries.. repeat as necessary. :-)
Peace and Blessings, Al
You don't need to ask why.... it is obvious to all those that have met you. You are an incredibly positive influence to the people around you. Whether you just met them or have know them for years, you give joy and the love of life to all the people in your life. It is time we all give you some of it back... Please know that everyday until you have kicked cancer's ass (Kevin Style), I will think about you and intensely send you some of that love of life that you have spread around so generously.
ReplyDeleteWe are here my friend.
Olivier.
Why?... "Sharing God's Love"
ReplyDeleteKevin, remember these words? These were the words you wrote in the letter your mailed to me in November 2005. In it you wrote: "Dear Fr. Juan, I apologize that we have not yet met in person yet. I hope to "meet" you soon, one way or another. I do appreciate you keeping my mom and dad in your prayers. Father Juan, I know the holidays can be such a festive and special time for many, but for others, can also be a trying time. The colder weather, increasing utility costs, hunger...all challenges that many in our parish family face.Please accept the enclosed gift to use as you see fit. My hope would be that no one goes hungry this Thanksgiving season." Then at the end you wrote, "Sharing God's love." That holiday season, St. Vincent DePaul was able to provide groceries to a good number of needy families.
And so you ask why? This is one of the reasons why. You just don't know the extent of gratitude I have for all the things you have done for St. Francis Parish (including myself)...words are not enought to thank you!!! Your love and concern for others are just being reciprocated through prayers...they, say, "love begets love." Now, St. Francis Parish is sharing God's love to you through our prayers....and you are in my personal prayers too.
I strongly believe in God's providence. I have experienced it so many times in my life when God would use an event, a place, a thing or send a wonderful person like you, to remind me that HE is always there watching over...especially during those moments when we need HIM most.
Sending God's love and my prayers to you...May God bless you and keep you always!!!
Fr. Vince